Struggle as a PA.

The weekdays are generally packed with classes, lab, homework, and many other activities. I am taking most of my time off from studying and any other activities during the weekend. Personally, I am struggling balancing my time. I am slacking to keep up with the deadlines. I know I have assignments due for my classes and things to do for the community. I plan on doing them ASAP but then I kind of forget and it slips through the cracks. I remember the first or second year of college, I wouldn't have been OK with myself if that was the case. What has changed for me? I am not sure. Well I a lot things have changed. I am not as anxious as I used to be for things to be done on time. I am trying to find what matters the most and work with that. I am taking a lot of time to find what really matters. The world (especially my world) has become a place where we do things without any critical thinking. I am as guilty as most other people. I am telling people not to conform and at the same time I am telling them to conform in the group, what a contradiction. I don't want to do that. I want everyone in the community to explore and find what they want and value, not what I think is better and how they should experience college. I don't want to be the controller. I can observe and question if someone is doing something that is discriminatory or that might marginalize some individual or individuals. And, I think I am struggling with making people do things as a community. How can I include people if they really don't want to do it. But, at the same time, I work really hard to find and inform about different events that people can participate both on-campus and off-campus. 

 I am observing a lot of things about my community and myself as well. I am learning how to observe and how to learn from that. I have few resident that I see them all the time and there are some that I barely meet. Some are really hard to approach. They are not here in the dorm most of the time, not even weekdays. I think this struggle is necessary for my personal growth as well as the growth of my community. I think, looking for perfection and stability is not the answer to my questions. Being unstable, vulnerable and unpredictable makes it more interesting and provides room to grow.  The quote from Jeff Brown facebook post pretty much sums it up. Should I worry about perfection? I don't think so. My life is messy, my community is messy, the world is messy, I am messy and that's OK. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I stop there and do nothing about the messiness. It is important to recognize that messiness and it's magnificence. I need to embrace it, work with it, learn and grow from this messiness.